My "Notebook"

“What’s my name?” “What did we have for dinner last night?” “When did get married?”

About four years ago I went an extended period of time without a vehicle. During this time I was able to watch many movies. I didn’t have cable at the time so movie watching was about the only thing I could do. I was able to get caught up on many movies I’ve always wanted to see. I was also able to watch many that I knew nothing about. It was during this time when I saw The Notebook.

The movie basically revolves around an epic love story between Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. If you see the cover of the DVD box you’ll get the gist of what I’m saying. The movie begins in present day with an old James Gardner visiting a nursing home to see an old female friend that has lost her faculties over the years. The female friend does not remember him. Gardner brings a “notebook” with him on his visit. The notebook tells the story of two young people that were very much in love and the trials and tribulations they go through over the years. A bulk majority of the movie follows the story that’s being told from the notebook. Periodically, they segue to present day where you can see an emotionally involved Gardner continuing to tell the story to his female friend. She seems to take delight in the story that’s being told as all of the details are new to her.

As the movie plays out you come to realize that James Gardner is the older, present day, Ryan Gosling and his female friend is the present day Rachel McAdams. I don’t recall what ailment befalls the present day McAdams but it is some form of dementia no doubt. You learn that Gardner comes to the hospital every day, and every day he is unrecognized. Every day he reads the story from the notebook hoping to jog the memory of his now vacant wife. He spends all day, every day. . . . day after day trying to restore the memory that now seems lost. By the end of the movie present day McAdams gets the twinkle in her eye as all of the memories come flooding back to her at once. It’s a day that Gardner thought was never possible, and he knew it needed to be cherished because tomorrow the memories would be gone and he would begin all over again with the story from the notebook.

Ladies, you can watch the movie if you want to see the sad ending.

Four years ago, I met my wife. Working together led to dating. Dating led to living together. Living together led to marriage and our budding family. For the past ten years my wife has been prone to unexplained seizures. Many doctors have been visited and various things have been ruled out. We think. The seizures are not a common occurrence. They happen about every six to eight months and always at night once we’re in bed. They happen just far enough apart to catch us off guard. She had another one last week.

If you want to truly reevaluate the priorities in your life sit and watch the person that you love more than anything convulse. Work, sports, hobbies, everything. . . . everything very quickly seems insignificant.

Knowing my wife will read this I just want to say that I know the level of fear and anxiety she feels about her seizures trumps mine. I can’t pretend to put myself in her shoes and know how she truly feels about this. All I can do is relay the experience and my feelings from my point of view.

I am awakened from a dead sleep with a violent shaking in the bed. My brain is now programmed to know what this means and I now spring out of sleep and to my feet within a second. Sometimes she will be scratching her leg or foot and the motion mimics that of a seizure. After deciphering this and she tells me everything is okay, we go back to sleep. When I see that her fists are clenched and curved inward I know a seizure has begun. The next sixty seconds provide the most helpless time I can imagine. You have to let the seizure play out. There’s no choice in this matter. Her eyes look like marbles as her pupils dilate to great portions and she stares blankly off into space. Her body shakes violently and she foams at the mouth. She is in a catatonic state for about a minute or so. It’s in these sixty seconds where life takes on new meaning.

Did I really get mad at her for being short with me earlier? When was the last time I said, “I love you?” Did I even hug her when I got home from work?

What can I do to help? Is there anything I can do to shorten this, to alleviate it in any way? Nothing. Not one damn thing.

Once the seizing stops she goes into an “unconscious” state. This is when I go back and forth in my head a hundred times, “Do I call an ambulance or not?” We’ve talked about this before and she’s told me specifically not to do it. She will come out of it. Still, it weighs on my mind. It’s usually during this time when her mom receives a 4AM text from me. I know she’s sleeping and won’t get it for another few hours but I’m just looking for some sort of lifeline at this point. The “unconscious” state lasts roughly ten to fifteen minutes. I think. Who cares about what a clock says right now?

She will then begin to slowly regain consciousness. Sometimes she’s insanely cold. Other times she’ll be boiling hot. She may get fidgety and start scratching random places on her body. She may attempt to get up. (There was a frightening occurrence a few years ago when she had a seizure before I came to bed and then proceeded to walk out of the apartment. By the time I realized what was going on she was 60 feet down the hallway. She hadn’t regained her faculties yet. She didn’t know what she was doing.) I gently hold her down if she tries to immediately get up. I ask her to hold on to my hand. “Just relax. Everything is okay.”

During this time she may drift in and out of sleep/consciousness. I give her time. Within a few more minutes she will come to again. She needs to use the restroom. If I determine that she’s coherent enough we’ll make the short walk to the restroom. I stay right next to her during the walk there and back. Once I get her back into bed that’s when my own personal Notebook begins to play out.

“What’s my name?” “What did we have for dinner last night?” “When did get married?”

“What’s my name?” “Matt,” she replies.

Now holding our waking baby, “Who am I holding?” No answer. “Who am I holding?” No answer. She doesn’t remember our child’s name or birthdate.

I don’t react. My goal is to not alarm her during this time. “When did we get married?” A thought goes towards it but she only puckers her lips and blows me a quick kiss. “Babe, when did we get married?” Again, another kiss, but no answer.

“Was it in the summertime or wintertime?” She replies, “Wintertime.” We got married on a very warm July 24th.

“Was it hot outside when we got married or was it cold?” I now go towards a different line of questioning.

“What did we have for dinner last night?” No answer. I ask her, “Did we have pizza?” She says, “Yes.” She’s right. I ask her what toppings were on the pizza. I can tell she’s really trying to remember but everything hasn’t been restored yet. I tell her the answer hoping to aid in bringing back those memories.

I’m doing my best to restore the memories of the person I love more than anything. Like Gardner, I feel overwhelmed. Up to this point I have played the “What if. . .” game over and over in my head. I will not repeat the hopeless thoughts I have. These thoughts usually generate a few tears in my eyes. I hate the uncertainty. I hate the feeling of helplessness.

I give her a few more moments before I start asking the same questions. Within time I get her back. She can correctly answer my questions. Because of the unusual nature of me sitting on her bedside at 4AM asking basic questions she eventually deduces what happened. “Did I have a seizure?”

I tell her that she did, and we begin to survey the damage. To some degree her tongue will always be cut up. Sometimes it’s more severe than others. This time it’s just on the tip.

She then gets really quiet and solemn. I can sense that she’s taking personal inventory. She is going through all of the same emotions I did just moments before. Her grief and concern now dwarf mine.

I look at the clock and realize it’s been about 50 minutes from when the seizure started to the point where she regains all of her coherency. 50 minutes! I hope no one has to go through these experiences as we do.

What positive comes out of this? (Guys you can stop reading here.)

There are almost 7 billion people on Earth. Each of us has had many different turns in the road we call life. Such an extraordinary set of miscellaneous events had to take place for her and I to even meet; from our divorces to when and why we moved at various points in our lives. Everything had to be just right for our paths to cross. I get that. I clearly see that. Everything that has happened was supposed to happen. We were supposed to end up together. I have no doubt about this. Going through the seizure roller coaster makes me keenly aware of what I have.

James Gardner had to break out his notebook every day to get back the one he loved. I have to go to mine about every six months. . . . . and I always get her back!

Seinfeld Maddness

With the upcoming event of March Madness and my undying love for Seinfeld it seemed only logical to mesh the two juggernauts together. Excluding Jerry, George, Elaine and Kramer I have come up with the top 64 Seinfeld characters and emerged them into a tournament style bracket. Each character has been seeded and placed into the appropriate bracket region.

How did I come up with the seedings?

There was no concrete formula. Their influence, how much they made me laugh, their place in Seinfeld lore, etc.

If you are a fan of Seinfeld I want to hear back from you on this. The BENES bracket will meet the COSTANZA bracket and the SEINFELD bracket will meet the KRAMER bracket in the Final 4.

E-mail me at bosshogg.dumas@gmail.com. I want your input. Give me your winners from these first round matchups. Don’t make me play this out on my own. Each blog posting will advance the tournament to the next round.



BENES

(1) David Puddy - Patrick Warburton
(16) Tina - Siobhan Fallon (Elaine’s red headed roommate in early seasons)

(8) Donald Sanger, the Bubble Boy - Jon Hayman
(9) Russell Dalrymple - Bob Balaban

(5) J. Peterman - John O'Hurley
(12) Mr. Lippman - Richard Fancy

(4) Mr. Justin Pitt - Ian Abercrombie
(13) Brett - James Patrick Stuart (Elaine’s boyfriend who knew Carl Farbman)

(6) Tim Whatley - Bryan Cranston
(11) Marla Penny (the virgin) - Jane Leeves

(3) The Soup Nazi - Larry Thomas
(14) Kevin - Tim DeKay (Bizarro Jerry)

(7) Poppie - Reni Santoni
(10) Jean Paul Jean Paul - Jeremiah Birkett

(2) Uncle Leo - Len Lesser
(15) Jake Jarmel - Marty Rackham





COSTANZA

(1) Estelle Costanza - Estelle Harris
(16) The Drake - Rick Overton

(8) Mr. Wilhelm - Richard Herd
(9) Mr. Thomassoulo - Gordon Jump

(5) Mrs. Ross - Grace Zabriskie
(12) Sid Fields - Bill Erwin (George had his bald head rubbed in oil in Sid’s apartment.)

(4) George Steinbrenner - Larry David
(13) Wyck Thayer -Bruce Davison (head of the Susan Ross foundation)

(6) Mr. Ross - Warren Frost
(11) Lt. Bookman - Philip Baker Hall

(3) Mr. Kruger - Daniel von Bargen
(14) Mr. Morgan - Tom Wright

(7) Susan Biddle Ross - Heidi Swedberg
(10) Carol - Lisa Mende – (“Come and see the baby.”)

(2) Morty Seinfeld - Barney Martin
(15) Wendy – Wendie Malick (With the old fashioned hair)





SEINFELD

(1) Newman – Wayne Knight
(16) Dolores (Mulva) - Susan Walters

(8) Babu Bhatt - Brian George
(9) Bob 'Maestro' Cobb - Mark Metcalf

(5) Ramon (the pool guy) - Carlos Jacott
(12) The Doorman - Larry Miller (“You think you’re better than me?”)

(4) Helen Seinfeld - Liz Sheridan
(13) Tony the Mechanic - Brad Garrett

(6) Sue Ellen Mischke - Brenda Strong (The heiress to the O’Henry candy bar fortune)
(11) Katie - Debra Jo Rupp (Jerry’s, unable to make a decision, manager)

(3) Kenny Bania - Steve Hytner
(14) Beth - Debra Messing

(7) Izzy Mandelbaum - Lloyd Bridges
(10) Keith Hernandez - Keith Hernandez

(2) Jack Klompus - Sandy Baron
(15) Jeannie - Janeane Garofalo





KREAMER

(1) Frank Costanza - Jerry Stiller
(16) Dr. Reston - Stephen McHattie – (Elaine’s psychologist boyfriend)

(8) Marcelino - Miguel Sandoval
(9) Darin the Intern – Jarrad Paul

(5) 'Crazy' Joe Davola - Peter Crombie
(12) Stan the Caddy - Armin Shimerman

(4) Mike Moffit - Lee Arenberg
(13) FDR - Michael McShane

(6) Lloyd Braun - Matt McCoy
(11) Bob & Cedirc - Yul Vazquez & John Paragon (The gay bullies)

(3) Mickey Abbott - Danny Woodburn
(14) Aaron (the close talker) – Judge Reinhold

(7) Jimmy - Anthony Starke
(10) Sally Weaver - Kathy Griffin

(2) Jackie Chiles - Phil Morris
(15) Earl Haffler - O'Neal Compton

SUPER BOWL RECAP

I’m thrilled with the result of the Super Bowl. It put me plus .500 for the playoffs.

Super Bowl check list:

- Pick the winner. (Check)
- Pick the MVP. (Check)
- Predict the correct score to within one point. (Check)

I predicted 31-24. Had the Steelers kicked the extra point instead of going for two I would have nailed it.

Additionally, this is the quote I made on 1/6/11 before the Packer’s Wild Card game against the Eagles.

It’s the Packer’s time. No running back? No tight end? No problem. After the 2011 playoffs I look for Rodgers to be mentioned along side Brady, Brees and Manning as the best.

What I didn’t like about the Super Bowl:

- The commercials (almost all of them) STUNK. Very few laugh out loud moments in my living room. Oh, except when Cameron Diaz was feeding A-Rod popcorn from her hand. Probably my favorite shot from the whole game. (I’m guessing that Fox had one camera assigned to them or just that luxury box for the whole game. The poor sap of a cameraman (or woman) had to look at those dolts all game. I can see his eyes light up when he noticed Diaz stuffing popcorn into A-Rod’s mouth for the first time. . . . . then a second. . . . . he gets on his head set, “Someone give me a live shot ASAP. I have Diaz feeding A-Rod popcorn out of her hand. I need a live shot now!!!”

- Aguilera botching the national anthem. There were huge expectations of her rendition. Not only did she mince words but her take on the (what usually gives me chill bumps) song was forgettable. FORGETTABLE!

- Umm, Rodgers should have thrown for over 400 yards if there were no dropped passes.

- Injuries. Was it the two week hiatus?

- Fergie just yelling into the mic instead of singing on a few of those songs.

- There were times in that game when the Packers were winning but their body language totally said they were losing or they were going to lose. I didn’t like that. But hey, they got it done. (Loved the shot of Kevin Greene getting into Clay Mathews ear before they took the field, “Now is the time!” That was right before Matthews caused that fumble. Loved it.


Here’s what I would like to do next football season. I want to do weekly picks for $$MONEY$$. I’m talking about laying down $20, $40 or $50. . . whatever the amount, and chart picks from week to week. No spreads. Just straight winners. I would post everyone’s picks on this blog by game time on Sunday. I’d keep a running count from week to week. Most wins at the end of the season would equal a pay day. I think this would be fun and would keep interest alive in all NFL games. I will get more out on this as the NFL season approaches.

That reminds me, THERE’S NOT AN NFL GAME FOR ANOTHER 7 MONTHS!!!!! And that’s assuming a lockout doesn’t happen.